006 Mystery Spot, Cult Leader, Grocery Store Love
ISO Ireland.
Michael,
Thanks for entrusting me with your email. You'll come to find that what happens here is very precious to me. All of the sudden I'm nervous and wondering if my everyday voice is the real Ireland and the voice I use over email is just some girl I play on TV (or vice versa?). Maybe you won't notice the discrepancy as we hardly yet know each other. Maybe as I grow up those voices will begin to merge, or maybe a compromise is unnecessary. I've heard two things can be true at once.
Two is not so bad anyway. I think there were a whole bunch of Irelands floating around at one point, each very graceful in her respective role. Each an eager student of her environment, a pleasure to have in class. Unfortunate to that approach and in a comedic twist of fate, I'm now under the distinct impression that everything in my reality is a mirror of me. You might see how contemplation of these "be the mirror" and "see the mirror" methods in any close proximity could be quite awkward, upsetting really.
Have you ever stopped at one of those Mystery Spots on the interstate? I have not. My imagination paints a picture of glorious and depressing mundanity in this middle america attempt at amusement and something tells me there might just be a room full of mirrors, empty. I wonder if anyone has ever gone to The Mystery Spot twice. Have you? I figure once folks realize nothing is there, a second trip wouldn't be worth the $10. I'd go so far as to bet that once the centerless secret is found out, they wouldn't like to go back, even for free.
Luckily, I love road trips. So on this great hunt for Ireland, this wild goose chase, I'll check every last mystery spot if that's what it takes.
And whether it's by way of optical illusion or more advanced witchcraft, one of those rooms with all the mirrors will have a girl in it! And she will be me.
Anyway... I'm too sleepy for much more thought toward topics as heavy as at the Mystery Spot.
How are you finding November? If temperature is the first thing that comes to mind, don't be ashamed to say so. To anyone who categorizes weather as small talk I'd ask, and what then, would you consider big? Planetary movement? Let's pay some respect to mother nature, our great equalizer, and talk about the weather.
I'd love to hear about your show, or anything else really. I trust that whatever you have to say will be what I need to hear.
Nice to have you in my Outbox,
Ireland
Ali darling,
(101 Dalmatians is a classic for many reasons, the greatest being each character's ceaseless referral to their counterparts of screen as darling, as if a name itself couldn't stand alone.)
Thanks for the questions. When it comes to litanies, if you're selling I'm buying. And though the economy stilt walks and inflation stair steps opinions are cheaper than ever. But what's the going rate on a great question? It's up and to the right for yours, I'm sure. My answers could beguile or shock, but I'll bet they won't. Not to you from me anyway.
1. You're forced to join a cult, but you get to select the leader. Who are you choosing?
William James Murray, of course. I'm picturing rich conversation (both painstakingly long and comically short), bar stools, looking out at the first snow, dressing for the weather, cigarettes, striped pajamas, missed connections, heartwarming depression, and many more fitting nuances which would go unnoticed to the naked eye. His cult would hide easily in plain sight, as the best ones do.
It's funny you should ask as I've always felt I'd be susceptible to a cult, but that's a story deserving of more time and attention...
2. What's the weirdest thing that's ever happened to you in a grocery store?
I once went to the grocery store without getting asked on one single date, even after looking people in the eye, smiling, and silently ensuring to them that I could — that it would be my pleasure — to hold their heart. To quote my favorite band, "I guess everybody's week must have been pretty rough"...
3. Where's the cool kids table at homeschool lunch?
A progressive approach to education that didn't have the government's grimy school lunch fingers all over it? Where wasn't the cool kids table.
4. What's your favorite thing you've committed to memory?
Please, PLEASE, do not tell anyone that it's DaBaby's feature on Jail pt 2 from the Donda album. Not because DaBaby was canceled at the time or because Kanye, excuse me Ye, is canceled now. I'm just not sure the world is ready for that color on me.
5. You're the troll who guards the passage underneath the Brooklyn Bridge. What riddle are you making crossers solve?
Disciples include sisters, lovers, Peters, Johns, Joes, or Levis, perhaps. What freshman New York institution am I?
I have one question for you: Of all the Alis, which Ali was the most Ali?
Ireland
Gabriel,
I’m sorry your heart is a bit broken. Please be sure to enjoy all that sweet gooey stuff on the inside before it gets patched back up.
Ireland
To anyone who categorizes weather as small talk I'd ask, “and what then, would you consider big? Planetary movement?” Let's pay some respect to mother nature, our great equalizer, and talk about the weather.